My Story isn't Finished

I woke up sad, at about 2am. My eyes were heavy, I was hot, I developed a cold out of no where and some creepy person was talking to me on my twitter in a very scary, "u don't approach someone you donno, that way", kinda way.

Then I woke up OFFICIALLY at 7:30am, after a bad dream but I said a prayer and well that was that...no more thinking of it.

As I started the day, I wondered to myself why I had been happy for so long now, is there nothing going on in my life to worry about? Weird, I know. People are looking for happy and here I am wondering where worry is.

I put my worries into prayers a while ago and also into fasting becuz it was getting out of hand and I guess God is finally answering that prayer....

Even though, I'm grateful that I don't worry so much anymore and most of my days are filled with joy now, I still felt the need to sit down and take account of all the things that usually should be bothering me right about now...

and wow...the list is looong...thank God, I'm not focusing on it and taking each day at a time, otherwise, I can see myself wailing daily..."Chineke me o, what am I going to do?"

I'm tempted to print the list for y'all to read but I just can't bring myself to, but, I'd give you a few...

First of all, so u have sort of a mental background picture...I'm alone here in a foreign land, no mummy, no daddy to run to as such. Plus my mum and dad try not to list their worries but I've seen and heard most of them, dumping my issues on them is just outright cruelty...in my opinion.

By the end of April, if I know what's good for me I had better find a new apartment or else, u might be waving to me under ur local bridge, lol God forbid. The whole apartment issue started with my two-timing landlord, but trust my roomie and I now, we played it cool, meanwhile we were slapping and punching his face in our heads.

My immigration status, has one more year left on it, till it expires, of which I should have found a full time job in my field of study by May 19th. It's March 18th. You say, u still have 2 months...uhm...I've been looking for 2 years...and still nothing, but my God is able. :D

I have to apply for grad school ay es ay pee, but the application fees are no joke, plus I need actually sit and write all the required essays, meanwhyl, I need to search for a job, look for an apartment, plan a project for March 31st, and still go to work all in the same time frame.

I need 52 hours a day, that's for sure.

Come mid-April, I need to start packing all my stuff so I'm ready to move out by the end of the month.

Yea, it doesn't sound so much eh?

but the thing is, there's still more unveiled and I'm the only one, I need help...well I have friends and all but they're super busy, I can't even ask, plus there's only so much they can do anyway...

At the end of all this "run-around and walk-about", I know I'd have a beautiful story to tell, it's not over. My story isn't finished

Mwaaah...

Got to run for the bus, right about nooowww

I need a car, :(

The car I want is $9000...the money would come along with my fees for school, $85,000.

#nowsinging...God is able to do, just what he says he would doo....

Getting Old

"Lemme give you a warning...never get old"

I've had a few old people tell me this and well of course we laugh about it 'cuz clearly, it's not my choice. With this kinda spongy heart I've got, I find myself almost crying for old people. It's a weird feeling, I feel they're at some disadvantage, esp. when they're forgetting stuff, unable to hear clearly, can't hold things well, they're hands are shaking, they're finding it hard to get up after trying so hard to sit...

it's a long list of things...

but...

what I've learnt from majority of them is that they all had these young years and now they're old, so they've had their chance. The big question is what am I doing with my chance before I am only able to move at a very slow pace?

I've met so many angry, grumpy old people...it's soo sad. It makes me feel even "more sorry", u're feeble and fragile, yet u're not convinced that at this point, u shud spend ur last days smiling?

The old happy couples, bring so much joy, it simply indescribable. They've lived many years and now they're spending their last days, appreciating all the things they possibly took for granted earlier on in life. To watch them laugh and smile at the simplest jokes or the mildest touch or even the next person's sincere smile is nothing but a blessing.

I don't want to grow up grumpy...yuck!!

A Letter To You

Dear loved one,

I wanted to drop a line or two before I leave. It's been a pleasure meeting you, hanging out with you an most of all loving you.

I remember when we went out to the diner and you ordered my meal, exactly as I would have liked it and exactly what I was in the mood for at that moment. I never told you, but butterflies were let loose at that moment. Oh, remember when we took a walk by the riverside, 3 years back and you whispered in my ears the words, "I think I just fell in love". I played dumb and carefree but I loved every minute of it. The walk, the weather, the talk, simply perfect. The day you introduced me to your mum and dad as, "the reason for you progress", you thought my blush was cute, you had absolutely no idea how many leaps of joy my heart did.

I have many more beautiful memories but to continue would be to exhaust the time I have left here. I received a report yesterday, as much as it breaks my heart to believe it, yet alone share it, I have no choice. Before I expose my defect, I want to ask one thing.

Please, please give God a chance. If you thought my love was real, you need to find my source, it's realer than real, it's renewing, its amazing and as there are no words sufficient enough to describe love, there are no words to describe how great He is. I hear that only the living can praise God and it doesn't even take common sense to agree that the dead can do absolutely nothing. While you still have time left in you life span, please let the same God that gave me a beautiful life, do the same for you. Let Him be your fountain, please let him overtake and overwhelm you. The greatest gift I can live with you is the gift of the God, his love.

I want to rest in peace, knowing that my heart, you are in love with my first love. I have a few days left according to my medical report before my liver completely fails. On the flip side God can turn this around, but if he feels my time is up, then it is up but do this one thing for me.

I love you.

I'm sorry that you would find this letter when I am probably gone because it takes 5 business days to get to you but forgive me, I didn't want to spend my last days watching you pity me. It is no secret that death would come. Sad to say mine came just a few years earlier.

xoxo

Your fiancee

Gratitude

"I, I, I....wwwaaannt tooo..." #theStammerer

That's a small disability we might think, but a stammerer wishes he could be more articulate

"Please could you read the signs to me?" #theBlind

"If you don't mind, please help me reach..." #theCrippled

Last week, I came down to earth a little and realized the many little things I ought to be grateful for. I met the age 50's who have been living with down syndrome for 50 sum'n years, the simply retarded who may have come to appreciate their life as the norm. The little girl who takes one step with every five steps a girl her age takes...

and there was me...

the 20 sum'n year old who can walk, can run, is articulate, is pretty much what one would label "normal" but how grateful was I?

My heart bleeds for those who are not as fortunate, who were not given a chance to choose their physical abilities.

If there was a call made before every birth to everyone..."Pick ye this day, deaf, dumb, blind, perfectly healthy..." would anyone in their right mind choose to have a disability? I think not!

and there I was God had shown me mercy, who am I and what makes me so special? how many times do I remember to be grateful for a thing such as 'capability'? how many? instead my current worries overwhelm me and I keep crying out, "why me?", with the full understanding that one day, it'll all be over...a storm doesn't last so long, the darker the night, the nearer the morning right? so it would all surely pass, besides worry steals away today and doesn't change tomorrow so it is wise to be grateful at whatever point we might be no matter how hard or discouraging....it's important not to let the "other things" get in the way of appreciating the truly dear things.

A message from the disabled:

"Oh what I would give to be just like you..."

why not be grateful for the things that I do have and understand that no matter how bad it get's someone has it worse than I do?

I figured I'd share this with you, that we may all realize how much we are truly to be grateful for. Ingratitude doesn't build, it steals and destroys...talk about a silent killer...#stageONEdepression

God Bless

#kisses