...in the storm...

I'm at a standstill, running and yet still, still.
Life is full of a whole lotta hardship. Its not that I'm just discovering this, its just that each time I relive it, it hurts. I know the storm wouldn't last, my lifetime, but while I'm in the storm, it feels like it would never end.

I refuse to list the things that are on my mind, the things that seem to linger in my head for too long cuz each time I say it out loud, the reality hits me with worries. Truthfully, I'm in a full blown state of confusion, each turn is a question and each decision is doubt.

I know the LORD would see me through and I don't type it or speak it to convince myself, I'm fully convinced. Yea, yea no one said life would be easy but with God, we'd get through it all on our knees, with our faith and with our actions. He's delivered me, supported me, raised me countless times but the faithlessness in me, weirdly has the audacity to wonder if he'd do it again.

I feel awful!
but I'd be fine, I always end up being fine.

Enuff of my ramblings that say practically nothing, I just dropped by to say I'm in a storm that seems like it could totally be the end of me but repeatedly I remember, I don't fight my battles, I never have, I never will, Jehovah Nissi always has, and always will!

Imma get back to y'all and dump my testimony cuz before a harvest, a breakthrough or deliverance is a trial, a test and temptation.

He dares to plaster a legitimately genuine smile on my face, while masking my pain and iniquity, but I'm not mad @ that, infact, I'm glad!

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