Inspired by a breakdown

As I was growing up no one ever mentioned how tough life was...ok...thats a lie, a few people mentioned life was tough...

I remember being sat down and explained to that life isn't a bed of roses but frankly I thought to myself...yeah right...u grown ups like to feel like the world is such a terrible place sha o...

Talk about a nasty surprise; it was all true. I only started experiencing the difficulty of life about 2 years ago. Of course I had issues in University and prior, but they just don't quite measure up to NOW...Now its like everyday is a battle...no jokes...my bestie said to wake up with the understanding that each day is a war...

As what seems to be a regular thing...I wake up with a rejection letter in my inbox, explaining to me the reasons I didn't get the job. I'm constantly teasing myself before I check my mail....hoping that the next email would actually be an acceptance letter. It so odd, I can't even imagine what an acceptance letter would look like. I keep imagining how I would give my testimony in church or what my reaction would be when I actually get a job. One thing I know for sure is that it may take some time to dawn on me.

This reminds me of when my friend; Swag who started the hunt with me and has landed his job...when he got it, I heard from someone before he told me so I attacked him..."how come I heard u got a job from sum1 else?" and he goes, "Sorry H, I had to go in for the first day to confirm that it was real"

LOL...I laffed so hard. I could definitely comprehend tho...I probably would have done the same thing or even worse, cuz after going through so many interviews and not getting the job; especially when you think you're going to get it, u tend to question whether and when u'd actually get a job eh? #rhetorical

I'm out of funds, I'm in overdraft, my credit card is OVER maxed out, I have no more food in my house...got so frustrated, finally found sweet potatoes in my house...OMG...thank God he spared you from this eye sore...lol...the potatoes looked like plantain. Imagine how bad it had to get to transform into a plantain "look-a-like...Searched the fridge and saw some veggies I had bought a while back for Efo (vegetable soup)..this was even worse. It smelt like rotten sweet corn...YUCK!.

I made up my mind to go to church earlier in the day for bible study. Would u believe that I couldn't praise...like seriously, when has that ever happened to me, I couldn't even open my mouth. I kept thinking back to April 2009 when I finished University. I was a blank palette longing to be written on...Not that I'm not still longing to be written on but I can say that last year, I was clueless. This year, I'm full of clues ehn...it's ridiculous. My dad calls this past year, "a years experience"...He says rejections, interview failures, struggles all add up to experience whether I got a job or now...when I think about it, he's right. Swag calls it my year of growth...In July 2009, I had applied for close to 500 jobs. To think I thought I was close to a break through then. (laugh) isn't life such a comedian?. It's July 2010 and I do not want to imagine how many job applications I have filled...

See, here my cry was "God, can't you see my tears, or hear my prayers?, do you not understand my exhaustion? don't leave me waiting that I lose hope all together"...my brother wants a PSP...he keeps reminding me about it and I keep saying when I get a job, I would get it for you. I hope I don't get a job when its too late to get a PSP.

Once he called me (btw he's just 9 years old) asking me if I had gotten a job. When I said not yet, he said, "H, aren't u looking online?"...I smiled and said I am but if u've found one for me lemme know...and of course he hadn't found me a job. Later he says, "Well H, please get a job quickly, its an emergency"...and I thought to myself, wow...the days when I thought not things like this were emergencies...

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Ever heard of divine helpers? God has connected me to a few. This started off with Mama, who let me stay at her place for 2 months before she moved, then 2 ladies, Kpeskus and Doctor whom I developed a wonderful friendship with. They hosted me at their house, no rent required for 5 months or more. C God in action now...due to the developing discomfort (I just felt like I was in their way of privacy, u know staying with people for so long....), I asked my dad if I could move out of which he asked me to stay with Happy Feet because he didn't want me to sign a lease as we all believed that I could be called to another city or province any time from then. Well I waited, finally I moved to Happy Feets house. My dad was much more comfortable with this arrangement as he knows Happy Feet personally and considers me staying over for a bit something a friend would do for a friend anyway.

In Feb 2010, I moved to my own apartment as I got fed up. I found a mediocre job which was able to pay up my monthly rent. Unfortunately, I wasn't at the job for too long. It was a horrible place to work!. Next worry, how to get another job...oh I shouldn't have quit, was what I heard from everyone left, right and center. From those who had previously worked there, they saluted me for staying there as long as I did.

Since then, God has been doing his thing. Connecting me to people who were told to give me some money. It's so funny how I never thought I'd be in such a situation. VS says, in so many words tho, u donno how proud u are until God decides to bring you so low. There are times I feel like a beggar...(never asking but always receiving...I think thats just the way the things of God work. He connects you with helpers and well thats what they do, they help!) The funny thing is I've prayed to be an incurable giver but I'm beginning to think that the LORD would teach you to receive before you can give. Funny strategy but it's mos def working.

He sent Happy Feet with money for groceries, Stalky with a $100 monetary gift which he "claims" someone sent him to give me, A.Baller with $100 monetary gift which she outrightly said the LORD said to give me and Mama whose dad said to give me $400, to which she added $100. Now you wanna tell me God is not gracious,or that Matthew 6:26 is just a quote? or that Jeremiah 29:11 is a mere statement...

Uhm...NOPE
I'm not going to beg u to differ...I differ with the truth saying, God ain't no liar...no joker...He's real.

I haven't got my job yet but I know it's coming.